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Articles on Family Matters:

Family Feuds - Are In-Laws Causing A Problem?

In the world today hostility is present everywhere. The one place that it can easily be deterred is in the family.

In a family, everyone is has different ideas and views on different topics. Even though you are related, it does not mean that you think alike or share the same opinions. In a family that has strong wills, this can often lead to a family feud.

Co-Existing with In-Laws

Throughout the decades, in-law jokes have been made millions of times. But when you stop and think about, they had to have come from somewhere. Often in-laws feel that their children could have had a better life and that the son or daughter-in-law is not worthy.

The in-laws will express their opinion openly no matter whom it hurts. This can lead to resentment and eventually a family feud.

Studies have indicated that more than half of married couples have problems with their in-laws that are never solved. They harbor ill will toward each other and often have disagreements quite often.

The son or daughter is usually dragged into it, being forced to choose between spouse and parent. This type of family fight can be the worst of all because it is totally preventable.

It is usually the in-law that causes the family disputes because, on a subconscious level, they do not want to let go of their child. The feud can last a long time and cause great hardship.

Avoiding Family Feuds

There are instances where a family battle is unavoidable. But, for the most part, exercising a little self-control and discipline can avoid any type of confrontation. You are responsible for your own actions.

You cannot please everyone. It is pointless to even try. People will disagree with you and sometimes criticize things that you say and do. It is up to you to bite your tongue and be the bigger person.

If you do not give in and show a reaction, soon, they will stop trying to get one. In the end you will end up gaining the respect of people you thought you could not get respect from.

Family feuds are unhealthy for a number of reasons. When you resolve any problems that you may have, you will feel better, less stressed and even sleep better. If you have the type of family that cannot be together without fighting, it is wise to limit family get togethers to the holidays.

Summary:

Family feuds are hard on everyone. Life is too short to spend your time hating your family. Everyone has a different opinion and in a strong, independent atmosphere, those opinions should be respected. If you have children, then set a good example for them and teach them how to respect others by the actions you take.

Brooke Hayles
04 Dec 2006

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Sibling Rivalry: 5 Problem Solving Solutions When Kids Fight

Researchers tell us that 36 million acts of sibling rivalry occur every year. Some are severe. Most are normal. When your kids fight, they want you in the middle. They want you to be the judge and jury. They want you to take their side. I remember my own mother’s reaction.

When I was a kid, fights with my brother were constant. We kicked, we teased, we shoved, we called each other names, and we rolled over and over on the ground punching each other as hard as we could. Later, my mother said, “I knew you two would kill each other.”

Many of our fights started in our backyard. In my excitement to win, my yelling grew so loud that the whole neighborhood knew we were slugging it out. My mother, a rather shy person, used the common problem solving solutions of the day. She'd open up the nearest window and holler, “For Pete’s sake Jeanie, shut up!” Then she'd slam the window shut to emphasize her anger. The whole neighborhood heard her. Her shouts embarrassed me and hurt my feelings but they didn’t stop me. Fighting with brother continued almost every day. And almost everyday mom's problem solving solutions for our sibling rivalry echoed throughout the neighborhood.

Looking back, I can’t remember what my brother and I fought about. I can remember my mother’s words. How about you?

When your kids fight, do you have any problem solving solutions for their sibling rivalry? What will your kids remember?

5 Problem solving solutions for sibling rivalry that fail:

Yell when your kids fight

Swear when your kids fight

Hit when your kids fight

Lecture when your kids fight

Let your kids fight until they're hurt each other

Knowing what to do in the heat of the moment isn’t easy. What is easy, is letting your own anger explode. If you do, what are you really teaching your kids?

5 Problem solving solutions for sibling rivalry that help:

Talk the situation over with your partner or someone you trust.

Come up with a logical plan for handling future fights.

Tell your kids (when they're not fighting) what will happen the next time they fight.

Determine to respond with your reason and not your emotion.

Follow through with the plan.

If you react to their sibling rivalry with yelling, arguing and hitting, you can change.

3 questions to discover your best problem solving solutions:

What will my kids remember about my reactions?

What am I really teaching them?

What do I want to teach them?

Here’s to your parenting success!

Jean Tracy
18 Dec 2006

Jean Tracy, MSS, "Granny Jean" publishes a FREE top-rated parenting newsletter at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com.
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Visit http://www.KidsDiscuss.com and pick up the Problem Solving Kit to stop your kids from fighting.